I am a Masochist

    I am in love every time I leave the house. I fall in love with men I could see myself in love with; the cute mailman, the awkward funny guy at a party, the friend of a friend I saw on Instagram, the cashier who clearly hates his job. All are people I’ve fallen for. It’s easy to imagine how they would undeniably love me back. All of my fantasies about love are the same. I meet them in a regular place, we have instant sparks, and then they follow me where ever I want to go in life. They’re always up for the adventure I want to embark on. 

    I am a hopeless romantic, a sucker for love. Only specific types of love though. I hate the princess love dynamic and shit like the Titanic. I don’t like the love that develops over time. The kind where one day you woke up and realized you have feelings for your friend or finally said yes to the guy that has asked you on a date many times.  I love the idea of love at first sight. The idea that you can see someone and immediately be in love. Not the love I fall in every day or just the superficial “I think you’re hot” love. Real love; I’m into your vibe love, I feel your soul love. The kind that happens immediately and transforms you. 

    I have never been in this kind of love. I think most people haven’t. It’s only in stories. Maybe your grandma fell in love this way, but realistically it doesn’t happen, especially today. This isn’t a bash on this generation and technology but you cant deny that finding love today is rough. People don’t love in the way I think they used to. Love seems so translucent now. Its torture to crave a love that maybe doesn’t exist, to crush yourself over something that might never happen. But still, I enjoy the love that isn’t there.

    I am a masochist, that is to say I am a hopeless romantic.


                                                                                                                          -Goober, July, 26, 2018

You guys can hear me read this piece at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCpO2ECaEzk&feature=youtu.be