I was born October 24. That makes me a Scorpio. Scorpios are known for their overly sexualized persona, and lack of intimacy. There’s almost a fear of getting vulnerable with people. I attribute my fear of intimacy to being a Scorpio. I wasn’t hurt by a boyfriend or some shit, I’ve always been like this. Now, I know that you “know” astrology is a bunch of bullshit but I don’t. Maybe, that’s just because I don’t want to accept that I’m the problem, so I blame it on my sign.
I get more candid with strangers than my loved ones. It’s easier, more cowardly to open up to someone you don’t know. My professor, classmates, strangers on the internet, drunk girls at parties, all know things about me that my “closest” friends and family will never know. Maybe thats my issue, I’m just a fucking coward. Maybe, I cant bear to have people know me deeply because I’m afraid I don’t truly know anyone else. Maybe, because when someone tells me I’m wrong I can say, “they don’t even know me”. I can justify my poor actions because said person doesn’t know something about me. Maybe it has something to do with my childhood. Maybe it really is because I’m a Scorpio or maybe I should just get a fucking psychology degree and figure it out.
Yet, despite my fear, I have an overwhelming craving to be known, to be completely understood. I randomly spit hoards of facts about me out. Superficial things that I convince myself mean something. Things like “I like to drink water that has been sitting in your car all day during the summer”. Thats weird I think. A weird fact isn’t something normal people share so thats intimate right?
I hate that you know me but I hate that you don’t, even more. Thats probably why this piece knows more about me than I do.
-Goober, July, 20, 2018