Do You?

On my first day of class this semester, we had to do ice breakers. Huge surprise. I’m a creative writing major (yes I’m aware I will be poor the rest of my life), so all of my classes are major specific. Our ice breaker was to say who we are, where we are from, and when we got into writing. Everyone else’s answer was something along the lines of “I’ve always been writing, I’m in the process of finishing my novel”. Are you kidding me? Almost everyone in my class is writing a novel. I only took my writing semi-seriously last year. I walked out of that class as disheartened as probably every college kid is. I mean what am I doing here? I moved across the country to come to this college and start my path to being a writer. Now I don’t even know what I’m doing. I get good grades on my work and I’m told I have talent but I’m learning that isn’t enough. My grades are fine but I don’t put a lot of effort into the work I’m turning in. I haven’t felt like myself in my writing sphere. Nothing flows right anymore. This post doesn’t even feel like my style of writing. I’m such an infant writer in the scheme of things. Should I even have the right to say I have a style?

At one point my writing was a way to find what I had lost within myself and now writing makes me lose myself. I don’t know if I fit into the writing realm, and yeah I know “anyone can be what they want”. Blah blah blah. That’s only partly true. I haven’t been writing recently. I can’t think of any good idea’s. It all used to come naturally and nothing’s coming. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing or if I even have the ability to be a writer.

Another professor of mine said “You can’t be a lazy writer. They don’t exist. Anyone can write anything but being a writer is putting effort into perfecting your craft. If you’re not putting effort into your writing, you won’t succeed as a writer”. That’s me. I am a lazy writer. After she said that I thought about changing my major. I reasoned that I am who I am and I am lazy therefore I should change my major to something more practical like accounting. I thought about giving up writing altogether. I mean I’m “planning” my future based off of something I can’t even seem to do right. I started this blog to be able to start sharing my work. I’m not even remotely ok at posting regularly and this is supposed to be my hobby, something I WANT to do. I can’t even keep my “passion project” afloat. Who the fuck knows what I have planned; not me for sure. I love writing and I may get lazy sometimes but not every writer sits down and meticulously writes all day every day. Im going to keep writing. I think by this point, you assumed that because this is my first blog post in like 2 months. I still don’t know what I’m doing or what I plan for my life, but do you?

-Goober, November, 4th, 2018